May 15, 2012
Via: No news is good news. None of it.

I haven’t seen The Avengers.

iknowoscarwilde:

But, from the information and GIF images floating by on the sickly canals of Tumblr, I think I understand the plot.

Allow me to explain my perception of what The Avengers is all about.

 

Loki, as far as I can tell, is supposed to a villain. Is he the brother of larger-than-life glam rock action figure Thor? I think he is. Thor’s parents adopted him.

So Loki, with the hairstyle of an ocean floor BP pipeline accident, is the villain of the piece. He… wants to destroy the world, or New York, or something.

But, luckily for the world, or New York, there’s a group of superheroes knocking about. Robert Downey Jr. is Tony Hawk, or whatever, and he slips into a chunky metal ketchup-and-mustard basque to become the mysteriously named Iron Man. Can fly.

Another man, I think it’s Jeremy Kyle, plays a 21st century Robin Hood, and travels exclusively via the medium of jumping and scowling. 

Robin Hood brings me on to Black Widow, the flame-haired female of the group. Apparently people ‘ship’ Robin Hood and Black Widow, which is like having a wet dream but whilst conscious. Portrayed by Scarlett Johansson, Black Widow wears an outfit peeled off the body of one of the androids from 1982 Doctor Who adventure ‘Earthshock’. Robin Hood checks her out on set. 

I’ve already spoken about Thor. He fell out of Norse mythology, or rock band Iron Maiden, and joined the gang. He’s got a ridiculous hammer that looks like a plastic toy from the special Halloween aisle Tesco have in October.

Republican candidate and angry soccer mascot Captain America is also there. Don’t know much about him, except that he seems to wear a suit made of Haribo wrappers and blind patriotism rendered physical. Probably racist.

And, last and definitely least, the Hulk. The Incredible Hulk, if you’re easily pleased. What is he? An off-colour Sylvester Stallone. He looks like a steroid-packed 1980s reptilian war criminal. I think he flirts with Iron Man.

Also Samuel L. Jackson as a future pirate.

Anyway, the Hulk smashes Loki into the ground at some point. Possibly at the end of the film. I think this is supposed to be a victory, but I can’t be sure because of the loving cartoons drifting about the Tumblrverse, all of which depict Loki as being some sort of overgrown helpless baby with the face of a pale, frightened lion cub. 

Anyway, that’s what I think The Avengers is about. I’d give it a 7/10.

 

all the awards

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April 30, 2012
Via: Doctor Who Gifs

doctorwhogifs:

INTERN: You are a doctor yourself?
FOURTH DOCTOR: Well, sort of, yes.
INTERN: How do you do? Tell me, where did you qualify, if I may ask?
FOURTH DOCTOR: A place called Gallifrey.
INTERN: Gallifrey? No, I’ve not heard of it. Perhaps it’s in Ireland.
FOURTH DOCTOR: Probably.

— The Hand of Fear

WOMAN: Patient’s name?
LEELA: Uh, just the Doctor.
WOMAN: Place of origin?
LEELA: Gallifrey.
WOMAN: Ireland?
LEELA: Oh, I expect so.

— The Invisible Enemy

JOAN REDFERN: Where did you learn to draw?
JOHN SMITH/TENTH DOCTOR: Gallifrey.
JOAN REDFERN: Is that in Ireland?
JOHN SMITH/TENTH DOCTOR: Yes, it must be, yes.

— Human Nature

 2,806 notes